The Point of No Return

I woke up this morning at 9 AM (which, in my world, is sleeping in). I felt great! I ate some breakfast. Sunk into the couch in my fluffy bathrobe. Read my fun book, and not some English assignment. I even fit in a workout later on.

You would think, “Wow. What a great day off!” And yes, the beginning was great. I would’ve sworn that it was Saturday until I headed off for work. And that’s the problem with having a day off in the middle of the week: it messes with your mind! ALL DAY LONG!

Turns out my day off wasn’t so much of a day off. Being the brilliant professor that he is, Dr. KY-netics scheduled a Chemistry midterm the VERY. NEXT. DAY. Oh joy.

Cue a frantic Chem Study Party. Four hours straight. It starts off all fine and dandy. You vaguely remember that lecture from two weeks ago. Your study buddy has got your back. But then you cross the Point of No Return.

If you’re anything like me, you tend to spread out while studying. Textbook open to page 1024 on the chair. Notes scattered across the floor. Calculator by your feet. Various practice problems scribbled onto any paper you can find. At this point you have to get all the way up from your cozy spot on the floor to reference Chapter 14, and then backtrack to make sure your notes match up.

This is the beginning of the end, my friends. The Fear. It should be your first warning sign.

After flipping back and forth, back and forth through the notes you’ve skimmed over a hundred times, you still can’t find that thing. That one little factoid that’s on the tip of your tongue. As you continue your search you wonder, “Maybe I didn’t write it down.” You make the next mental leap: “What if this is on the test?” The mental leap expands into one giant step for mankind: “What if all the questions are based off of this one topic? What if my entire grade in the class depends on finding this one thing?!?!?!”

Beware The Fear. It only gets worse.

You’ve calmed down enough to focus on the practice problems at hand. Things start to make sense. This is a false sense of security. DON’T FALL FOR IT! Before you know it, you’ve entered into The Craze. Everything is funny. That doodle heart you drew on top of your notes looks like an up-side-down butt. Your study buddy has already succumbed and is crying from laughter. You have the sudden urge to shout “NEGATIVE LOG!” every five seconds because Chemistry has become the answer to everything. You’ve gone Chem crazy.

And finally, The Crash. The point where you can no longer retain any useful information. Forget chemistry. You can’t even remember how to make toast! You’re already on the floor; why not just stay there? Stare up at the ceiling. Make paper airplanes out of your notes. You start singing show tunes you haven’t heard in ages. Chem is no longer on your mind, and you don’t care.

But despite your relapse into La-La land, and your total disregard for anything educational, you’ve still got to take the midterm the next morning. You have to realize that negative log won’t solve all your problems, and all those minuscule details from lecture actually are important.

However, the moment you turn in your test, you can breathe. It’s over. Your grade is what it is. All of the studying madness suddenly seems worth it. Because now, you can enjoy that day off. Now, you are allowed to forget.