So I’ve decided to dedicate a post entirely to the random quotes I’ve been collecting from the Cheeseburger Guy in my English class. Sort of a farewell, if you will, since the quarter will be ending and I will no longer be entertained by his whimsical musings.
Make what you will of them…
Girl in class: For a second, I thought they were both going to fall off the ledge, and I was about ready to cry.
Cheeseburger Guy: I would’ve laughed out loud!
Girl: What? But why?
Cheeseburger: It’s just so morbid!
* * *
Girl in class: Well I thought this character was really charming. I could definitely relate to her.
Cheeseburger Guy: Charming!? She’s charming in the way a one-legged turtle is charming. Always spinning around in circles…so stupid!
* * *
Cheeseburger Guy: I disagree. A fire extinguisher is a legitimate weapon. They’re pretty heavy, so if you hit someone with the right amount of force, you could cause some serious damage.
Guy in class: You know this from experience?
Cheeseburger: ...Maybe...
* * *
Girl: So all of these fish heads were just floating down the river. It was disgusting!
Cheeseburger Guy: I would've thrown 'em at cars. Especially convertibles. You know? Walk out onto a bridge with a big bucket, and just chuck them over the side.
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