New Beginnings

My New Year Resolutions, described by musical lyrics!

1) “I’m running through a stop sign, living so it feels right…Don’t wanna slow it down.” (The Ready Set): No regrets

2) “We may only have tonight, but till the morning sun you’re mine. Play the music low and swing to the rhythm of love.” (Plain White T’s): Live in the moment

3) “Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue. You and me baby, we’re stuck like glue.” (Sugarland): Find a way to get this damn song out of my head!

4) “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.” (The Beatles): Don’t leave angry

5) “A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell them for a dollar. They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner.” (The Band Perry): Speak your mind

6) “My shiny teeth, I love them and they all love me. Why should I talk to you when I got thirty-two? My shiny teeth and me!” (Chip Skylark): No cavities!

7) “And we found ourselves in the sea. Deep underwater we both found that we could still breathe, so we spent the day submerged and we swam the evening away.” (Sky Sailing): Continue scuba diving and find time to swim laps

8) “Lazy old day, rolling away. Dreaming the day away.” (Enya): Take more breaks from life

9) “So you dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything?” (Sara Bareilles): Don’t take crap from anyone

10) “Cause I need more time. Just a few more months and we’ll be fine” (Needtobreathe): Find the time to do all of these things

Caroling

This afternoon, my dad gave me a most important mission: bring home extra straws from the restaurant. It’s not as random as it sounds. Trust me.

So as I’m sitting in the restaurant, sipping my own carbonated beverage and stuffing extra straws into my purse, my friends and I got a tad carried away in our conversation. One thing led to another, and, well, here is my own spin on a classic Christmas tune…

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Twelve bendy straws

Eleven cheese nips

Ten curly fries

Nine toothpicks

Eight milkshakes

Seven buttons

Six bundt cakes

Five onion rings

Four spotted cows

Three sofas

Two purple umbrellas

And an owl in an apple tree!

Fits right in there with "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The bat-mobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away. Hey!"

Sushi

The little guys didn’t stand a chance.

My co-worker swept the fish net through the tank. A lucky few swam fast enough to avoid it, but the majority got trapped in the mesh-like fabric. And there wasn’t any Finding Nemo mastery going on here. No working together to “swim down” and rip the net from the oppressor’s hands. No. These fish were lost, confused and pulled out of the water before they had time to hold their breath.

While struggling to breathe, the fish were transferred to the freezer bag I held in my hands. Their tiny fins beat against the plastic prison as they flip-flopped around, but there was no escaping. My co-worker picked up the acetone bottle, and squeezed its contents into the bag. And I stood by and watched as the acid snuffed out each tiny life.

They told me it was necessary. That there was no way I could take one of them home to safety.

They said it was humane. That the other option was to simply smack them against the wall.

But drowning in acetone is no way to die. And being thrown into bleach the next day isn't any better.

I can no longer hide from the truth of these actions.

I am an accomplice to fish murder. And I can never forgive myself.

Let's Pretend...

Soooo, it’s been awhile. And I do have an excuse! Finals are all-consuming. Anyone who has experienced the horror of college-level-end-of-the-quarter-testing will know what I mean.

Anyway, I figured in honor of the end of general Biology classes (at least for me…I’m sorry to all of you who still have to endure the agony of phylogenetic trees), I’d dedicate this post to life. Pretty vague, I know. I shall clarify…

The other day, my Bio Professor told the class: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” Granted she was referring to manhandling grasshoppers to get a good look at their trachea, but the overall message is what you should focus on.

I have been told countless times that I am a five-year-old at heart. I’m not denying it. I take way too much pleasure in watching cartoon movies meant for little kids (but come on, Up was epic!). My point though, is that I’m not ashamed of this quality. I love that I have been able to hold onto this part of me, and not have it driven out by, dare I say it, adulthood (duh, duh, DUH!).

And why not have giggle-fits all afternoon? Why not stomp in every puddle you see? Why not watch an old Disney movie every Sunday? Even if I’m not five, I still get the same enjoyment from all of these activities. And there isn’t a rule that says once I reach the age of eighteen I have to put all of these “childish” activities behind me (or at least to my knowledge…that would be pretty sucky if there was such a rule).

So I say embrace your inner child. Even if you’re forty years old. Because, let’s face it, childhood is one of the best times of your life. No deadlines. No doubts. No pre-conceived judgments. No care in the world but to have fun!

Now, let’s all go find that grasshopper. Turn it upside down. Watch it hop around. Or if you had a more violent childhood, pull out the magnifying glass and melt it. Either way, hold your inner child’s hand and sing “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up” all the livelong day.

I'm Dreaming of a PINK Christmas!

It’s time to get into the Christmas spirit! That’s right, it’s December. Not October. Not a few weeks before Thanksgiving. No. December. The actual month of Christmas. Now if only all of the local stores would get with this schedule of events, I would be much happier (I’m sick of hearing “White Christmas” playing on the loud speakers, two months before the holiday).

Anyway, at the moment, our apartment is pretty bare in terms of Christmas decorations. And it’s not like we could do much if we wanted to. Can’t put up Christmas lights because we share the roof/balcony with three other people. Nowhere to put a tree (unless it’s a Charlie Brown tree, but that’s just sad). And mistletoe wouldn’t work, because it’s just me and my three girl roommates who live here (and I’m not that kind of person).

So I took it upon myself to find a suitable decoration for our place. And my cousin had given me the perfect idea. She introduced me to Magazine Christmas Trees. You take any random magazine (preferably one you’re not reading), and after some fancy folding techniques…viola! A makeshift Christmas tree! Ideal for college students on a budget.

However, the only magazine available to me was the Victoria’s Secret Winter Catalog, which had been mailed to the wrong address (Sorry Lou Chang, but your magazine was now mine for the taking!). So as I was folding each and every page into my tree, I couldn't help but notice the various ads displayed in front of me. Besides the obvious sale pitches for fancy panties, the overwhelming PINK color and pictures of half-naked women (“Oh! My bra just happened to fall off!”), there were ads for nail polish, boots and even jackets! And not just teenage-girl-sweatshirt jackets, but really nice, suede jackets. I didn’t even know Victoria’s Secret sold something other than really expensive underwear!?! The things you can learn while making Christmas decorations.

In the end, we had a pretty nice looking mini magazine Christmas tree, with a pretty pink paper star on top. It’s sitting on our TV cabinet now, for all to see. Just don’t look too closely…