Rocks and Dirt

I’m sitting in what is fast becoming my least favorite class of the quarter, Introduction to Archaeology, when my Professor decides he isn’t going to show up that day. So what do the dutiful TA’s do? They put in an educational movie. What else?

My friend diligently starts typing notes on the off chance that my professor puts a random movie factoid on the midterm (which he does eventually), and I open my computer and start Internet surfing!

However, after about five minutes of seeing “Inbox: 0”, “Messages: 0”, “Notifications: -1”, I give up and reluctantly start taking notes.

And this is what I ended up with (no joke…I copied/pasted this directly from my notes):

Movie Day: Plunder

• Guys in some southern country are grave diggers

Just throwing rocks every which way

Smuggle stuff to someplace (very risky)

BUT (could it be?) most of museum artifacts might be smuggled in from their country of origin

• Have auctions for fancy/old art

Origins of such pieces are very suspicious

Higher prices encourage more plundering (b/c there’s lots of profit to be made)

“Field” Archaeologists: a euphemism for THEIF!?!!??! …who knows

• Villagers in Peru started looking through dirt to find stuff left over from ancestors

Some villagers had ulterior motives, and sold artifacts on black market

Authorities shooed them away with guns

• Guy with beard: worked with Sweatnam guys smuggling goods

Guy with beard turns on them! And records their telephone calls

FBI busted into Sweatnam house

Sweatnam said, “We were only harmless art traders. This felt like a drug deal”

• Still not so good relations between Peru and US (no…really?!?!?!)

BTW- it’s a crime to smuggle artifacts

Sweatnam guys get the stuff back (???)

And local Peruvian police still can’t do much to stop plundering

You can tell I was really paying attention that day.

Except it wasn’t just that day. I haven’t bothered to tune into that class since Day 1 when all my Professor had to talk about was the class syllabus. And who could blame me? I’ve spent every lecture going over the techniques of “flint-napping” (aka: rock chipping), the importance of clay vs. ceramics (because, apparently, there’s a difference), and perfecting the art of digging. In the end, you have an old guy with a beard and a toothbrush on his hands and knees in the dirt. And what are we learning from all of this backbreaking work in the field? A few theories? Maybe a hypothesis here or there about how life might have been? It’s all speculation! You find a couple of acorns that look like they’ve been gnawed on and it’s automatically assumed that early humans’ primary diet was a few nuts.

And no offense to all of those Archaeology majors out there (who, by now, are shaking their heads at my ignorance of the trade), but I just don’t see the point. Don’t get me wrong…I understand why we should remember our past. And I see how it could be interesting to study human evolution. But is it really necessary to force students to memorize the differences between the Cultural Historic Period and the Explanatory Period of Archaeological thought? Um, no. Not really.

So for all you die-hard Indian Jones fans who just had their happiness crushed by an Introductory Archaeology class, I suggest finding a new elective for the rest of the quarter. That, or BS you’re way through the assignments and watch “Raiders of the Lost Ark” all night long!

Knick Knack

I give you…Exhibit A! The so-called snow globe "Knick Knack”. Everyone’s favorite memento from vacation, holidays, road-trips, etc. Right? I think not!

As the evidence clearly points out, “Knick Knack” has an alternate meaning: prisoner.

See how the snowman desperately tries to escape his snow globe hell? Hammers, torches and TNT are nothing against the impenetrable glass wall of his cell. And all he’s trying to do is hang out with his “Sunny” friends. Not rob a bank. Not hijack the U.S. arsenal of nuclear weapons. Nothing that would require a lifetime sentence to an isolated glass dome. But alas! He is trapped.

The catchy music tries to mislead you. It makes you think this is all just for fun. Just a game. Does this look like a game for the snowman? Does it look like he’s laughing as his every attempt at escape is thwarted?

And, oh, the agony of the Emergency Exit! Our snowman protagonist has a brief glimpse of freedom, only to be imprisoned behind glass yet again (and underwater nonetheless). The snow globe is mocking the poor, friend-deficient snowman and he has no means of a comeback.

So you see, our snow globe prisoners must be set free! Free to socialize among the other smiling, sunny faces on the shelf. Free to come and go from their “Nome Sweet Nome”. Free to live (with liberty and justice for all, of course).

XYZ

Yet another OCD moment of mine…

So I’m waiting for class to start by tuning out the world with my iPod. I have a nice seat on the second floor where I can people-watch to my heart’s content. Not that many people walk by at this time of night, but it’s not completely deserted.

Anyway, as I’m sitting there, I see a few guys off to the side do a manly “chest-bump” hello, a girl talking to herself on the bench next to me as she studies for an o-chem test, and more people than I can count finishing the physics homework due in ten minutes. But out of all these distractions, one guy catches my eye. He is just walking by me. Nothing spectacular, until he turns the corner and I see his backpack flapping open with every step he takes.

I'm hit with the sudden urge to walk straight up to him, tap him on the shoulder and say “Hi Random Stranger. Do you mind if I zip up your backpack for you? It’ll only take a second.” Maybe even less if I forgo the pleasantries, and simply zip up the backpack from behind without saying a word. And I’m sure that would have gone over well (for some reason, most people don’t like it when you go up to them and touch their stuff. A prime example being when random people tuck in the tag of your shirt. I’d rather not have your stranger-danger fingers down the back of my shirt, thanks.)

Let’s get back to the point: unzipped zippers. I don’t know what it is, but I need to have all my zippers fully zipped. Not half-way. Not almost there. No little gap. No. All the way zipped, until the handle hits the little plastic thing at the end. What’s the point of having a zipper if you’re just going to let your bag hang open for the world to see? I’ll tell you one thing, there is an unzipped-zipper epidemic sweeping the nation! And it’s driving me nuts!

So, before you leave for class, just double check your zippers (please), and you’ll avoid the whole awkward situation of having a complete stranger come zip up your things.